The Three Kingdoms of Ancient Egypt - Model Essay (Annotated)

The history of ancient Egypt has been broken down into three periods of time.  The oldest of those periods is often referred to as the Old Kingdom.  Naturally, the following two periods are referred to as the Middle and New Kingdoms.  These kingdoms were very different from one another.

{Note:  I never wrote, “I am going to tell you about...”}

During the Old Kingdom, the central focus of the Egyptians was trade.  The Egyptians traded with the Nubians, located to their south, as well as the Europeans across the Mediterranean Sea. The most important commodity was timber.  The Egyptians used the wood to build houses, boats, and furniture.  The kingdom grew weak eventually as the governors challenged the pharaoh.  This led to their demise.

{Note:  I described the Old Kingdom without copying directly from the textbook.}

During the Middle Kingdom, the focus of the Egyptians became creating infrastructure.  They spent their wealth on creating a bigger and better Egypt; but, they  neglected to build a solid and reliable defense.  This set them up for a potential disaster.  They became a sitting duck for foreign invaders who came and defeated them.

{Note:  I used the word infrastructure instead of public works to demonstrate that I understood the meaning of the word.}

Once the Egyptians were reunited, they vowed to never make that mistake again.  Therefore, the focus of the New Kingdom became building a strong military.  The new army, dressed in armor, used metal weapons and charioteers to ward off potential challenges.  This kingdom was also famous for its ‘boy king’ Tutankhamen who died at a very young age.

{Note:  I changed my wording so as to not start this paragraph the same as the previous two - I didn’t write, “During the...”}

In conclusion, historians have divided the history of ancient Egypt into three periods of time. Those kingdoms were known as the Old, Middle, and New Kingdoms.  Each kingdom had a specific focus which defined it.  

{Note:  I restated the introduction, but I didn’t copy it word for word.  I didn’t want to bore the reader.  I also avoided saying, “I hope that you enjoyed reading...”}

Review- I checked my writing more than one time to make sure that I used proper capitalization and wrote in complete sentences.  I also double-checked my punctuation.  Before I was finished, I read this essay four times - I counted!